Last time on Star Trek: …
Oh. No. Sorry. Wrong tape.
Ok. Sorted. This should be the right one.
Last time in The Virus Fleet, we discussed (with the doubtful aid of the official records) the Second Greatest Take-Over Plan in all of time and space. But even the best-laid plans of mice and Lartans can go horribly wrong….
Everything was going well. The Virus Fleet were doing exactly what their predecessors (do excuse me. Those official records appear to have got lodged in my brain and keep leaking out. I will try not to let it happen again.) had done hundreds of times before. Each Virus Soldier was squashed comfortably into a tiny spacefaring capsule whooshing its way to the sparkly blue planet. (No, before you ask, I don’t know if they did whoosh; I do know that apparently things don’t make noises in space. But since when has that principle stopped the noises from being made in science fiction? Physics can be so boring sometimes. Anyway, I’m telling this story, and if I say they whooshed, they whooshed. If you don’t like it you can go elsewhere. See if I care.)
As I said, everything was going like clockwork, only better.
And then one Lartan scientist, whose name has gone down forever in the annals of Lartan history, but we’ve lost the bit of paper it was written on, realized that this time things were not going to go swimmingly. He discovered that the Virus Soldiers were no longer resistant to the virus they were carrying. Panicking – you can imagine the effect 20,000 muddled alien soldiers would have on Earth! – he contacted the President of Larta and told her what was possibly, probably, almost certainly happening out there. Panicking – you can imagine the effect 20,000 muddled alien soldiers would have on the take-over plan! – she contacted the Strategic Officer of Defence and Attack (SODA for short) and ordered him to recall the Fleet at once. So that’s what he did.
It wasn’t until some hours later that they realized there were only 19,999 soldiers back on Larta.
One lone soldier, carrying the virus, was still on his way to Earth.
To be continued…