Trifecta – Wallowing in Freakish Misery

The following post is completely fictional. No real people were harmed. Or even offended.

It’s Monday again. I hate Mondays. The day after the weekend. The weekend is quiet and I am allowed to be myself, alone, with nobody else around to tell me I’m weird. On Monday the misery starts again. People. Noisy, catty, full of trivial nonsense and criticism of anyone who doesn’t see said trivia as important.
Smile. Rictus grin if I must.
The clementine-permatanned woman in front of me is regaling her friend with gruesome tales of her weekend exploits. Her friend giggles gratingly, vast parrot-perch earrings jingling as her bleached-blonde head shakes in immoderate laughter.
I wait, patiently, trying not to drum my fingertips on the surface of the counter. I fail, and the rhythm of the William Tell Overture makes its presence felt.
Clementine trails to the end of her story, and stops to stare at me. “What’re you lookin’ at?” she demands.
Parrot-Perches also turns to glare at me. If looks could kill… But they don’t. I’m still alive and kicking.
“You,” I reply. “Do you realize that your skin is exactly the same colour as that dress over there? It’s called Tangerine Dream.”
She looks shocked.
Parrot-Perches bristles in response. “We didn’t come ‘ere to be talked to like that,” she squawks.
Clementine is still recovering.
“Ladies, are you going to order or not?”
“Not from ‘ere and not from you,” retorts Clementine, finding her tongue at last.
They retreat, outraged.
“Don’t forget next week there’s a special offer on,” I say, cheerfully.
Parrot-Perches shoots me one last dirty look. “Freak,” she mutters.
Yes, I agree silently. But at least I don’t look like a freak.

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20 thoughts on “Trifecta – Wallowing in Freakish Misery

  1. Totally, totally relatable. I loved “clementine-permatanned” and “parrot-perched earrings.” But I think of the whole piece, I loved this the best: “β€œDon’t forget next week there’s a special offer on,” I say, cheerfully.” It’s the “cheerfully” that got me – I could hear the exact tone.

  2. There’s some fantastic description in here. My favorite is this: giggles gratingly, vast parrot-perch earrings jingling as her bleached-blonde head shakes in immoderate laughter.

    I worked as a caterer for several years and know exactly the type of people you’re talking about.

  3. I usually go with the Imperial March from Star Wars when drumming my fingers, but next time I shall have to go with William Tell. Brilliant!

  4. Oh! I’ve seen people like this, I don’t know how many times. Too many. Thank you for writing this and helping to release my inner, social vigilante against the vapid and the trite. I feel better already! Great writing, great concept, great execution. Kudos.

    1. And thank you for a comment filled with such brilliant words πŸ˜€ sadly there are far too many people like that out there. I’m not prejudiced. Just experienced :-/
      Or maybe I’m just jealous because the darkest colour I ever turn, no matter how long I try to cook myself, is a very gentle pinkish gold….

      1. At least you can say it’s not “tangerine dream” color! Quite a few undeserving folks look down their nose at others. Most of the worthy people in the world are too busy trying to make it through the day to go stepping on others.

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